Numerology

"Excuse me," the woman said, motioning me to stop. "Can you help me with something?"

Since I'd already slowed down and made eye contact, I figured I didn't have much of a choice. Besides, she looked like a tourist — purple flowery shirt, makeup spread with a frosting knife — and I figured she just wanted directions.

She did. Sort of.

"If I wanted to tell what bit me, a mouse or a rat, when I was sleeping, how would I do that?" she said. "Would I get a tetanus shot?"

You see, I'm not a doctor, but I look like one to strangers when I'm walking down the street.

"I have no idea," I said, grinning in spite of all my efforts not to. Then I strolled off.

"It cost me $600 at the hospital to ...." — do something. She was calling after me, but I was out of earshot quickly.

But ... wait a minute. $600? That's weird.

That's the amount this woman ranted about the other day as she complained about a jaywalking ticket. Then I get Random Mouse Lady, and of course in the next 10 days I'm expecting $600 from the federal government as President George "Winkerbean" Bush makes good on his second attempt to bribe people into believing the economy's okay.

Is it a warning? Beware of jaywalking, hospitals and mice? (And/or rats?) Is Bush going to jaywalk and end up in the hospital?

Is Cheney going to shoot someone in the face again, necessitating a tetanus shot?

Maybe it's just that I was raised on devil rock and any grouping of 666 gets my attention. But I'm a little confused on the math.

Do I use 600/600/600, which would be the power of the devil multiplied by 100? (Scary!)

Or do I use 1,800, which would be the power of the devil times 2.7? (Not so scary.)

Somehow, the decimal point makes Ol' Scratch less intimidating. HA!


OVERHEARD ON THE STREETS OF VEGAS: "I figured if I was down here, I'd remember where I was. I remember that beer."