True glitz

This has happened to me twice now, once in the Tropicana and once in the Flamingo. In both cases, I was strolling idly across the casino floor when I was stopped in my tracks by a showgirl.

The Tropicana is home to the Folies Bergere, an old-school showgirls production. The closest thing the Flamingo has is X Burlesque, but their parent company, Harrah's, also owns Bally's, and there you can see Jubilee!, another classic.

Anyway, it was probably an advertising stunt to sell tickets, but on those two nights striking young women strutted across the casino wearing heels, fishnets, tiny sequined bikinis and feathered headdresses. Heads turned, naturally, but the images have stuck with me for months, and I think I've figured out why.

You hear nostalgia for "Old Vegas" from time to time — that it was more glamorous then, that the Mob actually let people win money, that it was a classier town, geared toward stars, high rollers and beautiful people. Maybe all that's true. Maybe opening up the town to the masses punctured the bubble of what had been a true fantasy playscape open only to those who truly belonged.

That's why the sequined beauties were so striking. For a moment, a piece of that dream world was sharing the casino floor, strutting by so close you could touch her (as long as you didn't mind being tackled by casino security) ... they were visiting shades of high roller heaven, so different from us mortal schlubs in our tennis shoes and baggy T-shirts who were risking tiny piles of money in increments of $5 or less.

And then — like our money — the showgirls disappeared without a trace.

Life comes at you

The move to Vegas happened quickly.

I'd actually been feeling settled in the job I'm leaving, and in the town. Not satisfied, really, but I'd reached a point where I wasn't striving for something new anymore, except for a promotion at work I had half a shot at. Just lead the life you've been dealt, I thought (go here for some of those adventures), and even if it was going to be kind of a grind, I'd accepted it.

Then, one afternoon at the end of July, my phone rang. It was an employer in Vegas on the line; I'd sent in a resume months beforehand. We had a quick chat, and within a few weeks they'd checked my references, flown me down for an interview and made the kind of job offer I'd been looking for, which I immediately accepted.

Head-spinning? Yes. Exhilarating? Sure.

But surprising? No.

See, July had been brutally hot, the kind of desert furnace heat that doesn't fade until 1 a.m. On the day I got that phone call, though, I awoke early in the morning to the sound of insistent raindrops and felt a cool, moist breeze coming through my window.

Now, it would be facile to claim that the rain, that the break in the heat wave, was some kind of "sign." (Like a whole rainstorm was for my benefit. Intriguing idea, but yeah right.) Still .... but .... see, I was drifting back to sleep as the rain petered out, and one thought kept poking its way into my fading consciousness:

Something's changed.

Rental Romeos

There's a curious phenomenon you'll encounter when searching for an apartment in Las Vegas — at least, you will if you search for an apartment on Craigslist. Some people are confusing the rental listings with the personals:

Brand new SW Las Vegas 3800 sq ft home. Near 215 and Durango.
The house is two story.2 bedroom furnished, each bedroom has it’s
own bathroom, carpeted, have blinds. All the appliances are brand new (
side by side refrigerator, front, loading washer/dryer, dishwasher and
much more. No pets, non-smokers preferred, clean, responsible, quiet
area. Seek professional female (Asian) preferred.

Weird, huh? (AND the poster used the wrong form of "its"!) Now, Exhibit A is not the strongest example of this phenomenon — it's not clear that the poster is even male, although the suggestion is quite strong. Plenty of renters seek female roommates because there are already women in the house, or because a bathroom is shared, etc. Still, unless you've got "me love you long time" fantasies, why would you specifically ask for an Asian girl?

Okay, onward:

SUBMISSIVE FEMALE WANTED
WOULD LIKE TO RENT TO A PERSON THAT WOULD HELP A LITTLE
AROUND THE HOUSE WITH SOME COOKING , CLEANING & ETC .
WE SMOKE CIGS. & HAVE PETS . OPEN MINDED TO ALL OFFERS .
HAVE ?s PLEASE ASK , THANKS

Rent trades are not uncommon — but submissive? (Of course, a dom girl isn't exactly going to clean up after you, right?)

Next we have this sleazebag, although I will give him points for honesty:

Room for free! Pretty willing girls only!
I own a beautiful home on the south side of town — if you're a pretty lady,
broke, and need someone to take care of you ... contact me.

I feel dirty having copied and pasted that. Take five while I wash my hands ... you may need to disinfect your eyeballs. Just don't use pure bleach, okay?

Alright. Finally, now, here's the champ:

$500/1br Are you looking for a room to rent? I have one for you

Hi I'm looking for the right person to rent a room to.
Actually the right female to rent to. She must be
honest and able to make due on the rent. .....

There's more, but it's just standard claptrap. So, you're saying, what makes this guy stand out from the pack? The "make due on the rent" part is a little sleazy, but not explicit. No, his winning touch is the photograph he included "so you know who you will be living with":




Now, the pic is sleazy enough on its own — "Look at me! I'm a player! Move in today, baby!" — but let's put it in context. Well-placed sources inform me that this shot appears to have been taken at the annual Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, which means this girl is probably an exotic dancer or a porn star. And God bless her for that.

The point is, what woman wants to be roommates with a guy who gets his picture taken with a scantily clad, silicon-chested chick who's only posing with him because she's being paid to? Does that woman exist? No, say I, she does not!

.... But if you want to prove me wrong, e-mail me. My place is bigger than his, and we've got a private pool.

And I definitely won't make you clean.