An ounce of prevention

Seen at the local Blockbuster Video — are they worried O.J.'s coming back to town and might rent a movie? (Maybe he'll be demanding commemorative copies of "The Klansman" or "Naked Gun: The Final Insult.")

I know if I was an armed robber, and I wanted to use Halloween as a cover to catch people off guard by dressing up as Rambo, complete with live ammunition, this sign would sure stop me. I'd say, "Oops. Can't bring my gun in. Ah, shucks! Guess I better rob the dollar store next door."

And is this just on Halloween? Can I wear a Nixon mask and carry my sword on, say, the Fourth of July?

Will be food for ...

Today makes two guys I've seen now on Sahara — one at Las Vegas Boulevard, one at Rancho — who were working their respective corners, all disheveled, carrying scrap-sized cardboard signs that simply said, "FOOD."

At first I was impressed with the declarative brevity of their pitches. But then I thought: What if it's not a request?

What if it's a ...... label?

As in: "Eat me"?

As in: "I'm tired, broke and homeless, and I'm tired of being tired, broke and homeless. But I'm free, and I'm a good source of protein!"

Maybe Sahara Avenue is some kind of weird cruising strip for cannibals! Just imagine — right there, on one of the most heavily traveled stretches of Vegas, a passage for millions of drivers and pedestrians and tourists every year — dark, unspeakable contracts are being signed in blood right out in the open!

Hello, Anthony Zuiker? Call me! I've got your next CSI episode all ready to go.

Vegas oddities

1. Cash is essential (and not just for gambling): Believe it or not, there are places — even in the central entertainment districts — that don't take credit or debit cards. That's kind of understandable in a place like Uncle Joe's Pizza (home of the $4 lunch for two!), but the deli counter of the Golden Gate Casino? The bartender at The Library even told me "cash only" a while back, although that sounded like their credit card machine was down. Still, how often in recorded history has a strip club not taken any form of currency offered?

On a related note, the Nevada Gaming Commission recently shut down an effort to allow slot players to get voucher tickets directly from an ATM-like machine, instead of having to start with cash. There are also those who would like gamblers to be able to insert their cards directly into a slot machine and make entire bank accounts available for play.

Both are bad ideas. Casinos would make more money than they do now off of ATM and credit card fees, but they don't need the bad publicity of people draining their bank accounts or maxing out credit cards in a weekend or an afternoon.

2. People here drive the speed limit: On major roads! Even on the freeway! And not just tourists!

I can't think of any reason this would be. Sure, we gamble, serve liquor all night, often for free, and have legalized prostitution in the state, but hey, let's drive the speed limit!

The only way it makes sense is if a lot of people have a reason to drive slowly — people with two felonies or DUIs, or no insurance, or otherwise just plain scared of getting pulled over. But why are they always in front of me?

All work and all the play

Arguing persuasively for a career change:


Because, as everyone knows. dental assistants get ALL the ass.

(Well, a healthy mouthful, anyway.)

Viva la action!

I, like, totally saw this.

Not the crash, but an earlier part of the chase. The driver careened around the corner of Ogden and Las Vegas Blvd. downtown, then tore around the corner down Fremont, right at the end of the Fremont Street Experience.

It's a busy intersection. Cars scattered, probably because of the sirens blaring on the half-dozen cop cars closing in, and he made it through — amazingly, I thought, because the cops were right on his ass.

You can't tell it from the photo, but the car was in bad shape before the crash. The windshield had a cantaloupe-sized hole in it in front of the driver, the rear bumper was hanging off and it wasn't running too smoothly. Still, he made it from North Las Vegas to the wrong side of the road on the Strip, about 10 miles in a straight line — and he wasn't going in a straight line.

The R-J called it a high-speed chase. When I saw it, though, they weren't going more than 15 mph. He passed slowly enough for me to get a good look at his face. He looked vacant, his mouth hanging open, eyes unblinking and dead. Police say he stole the car and charged him with two counts of battery with a deadly weapon, so I guess he wasn't a zombie. But he looked like he was running on autopilot. Maybe he just figured there was nothing else for him to do but push it as far as he could.