Media flap turns into all-out war

A Twitter-driven feud between rival Las Vegas news organizations escalated into a full-blown terror campaign this week when journalists decided to put down their pens and take up swords — specifically, homemade explosives and high-caliber firearms.

The dispute between reporters at the Las Vegas Review-Journal and KLAS-TV star George Knapp started when the R-J scooped everyone in town on the arrest of a suspect who allegedly committed several brutal murders and sexual assaults.

Knapp initially Tweeted that the report was "greatly exaggerated" and insisted that "No one has been arrested for the double murders." After police confirmed that an arrest had been made, Knapp followed with a piece asserting that the paper's stories had endangered the investigation, a charge the R-J vigorously disputed.

Then, in the words of Anchorman Ron Burgundy, things "really got out of hand fast."

It started with the detonation of an improvised explosive device intended to take out Knapp on his drive to work. As a longtime investigative reporter, though, Knapp is insanely paranoid, and he drives a double-armored Cadillac Escalade with a swivel-mounted .50-caliber machine gun on the roof. 

The bomb did no damage and no one was injured.

A group called the RJL took credit for the attack. RJL purportedly means "Righteous Justice League." But seriously, that's not going to fool anyone.

Knapp allegedly retaliated by strafing the R-J's offices with his machine gun. The bunker-like building absorbed the rounds without incident, although the luxury automobile that Publisher Bob Brown flaunts to his cash-strapped employees exploded, most likely from a bullet that pierced the gas tank.

Finally, members of the rival news teams gathered on the site of the demolished Moulin Rouge casino for a brawl to settle it all, just like in "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy":

Handicapping the match was tough. The R-J has superior numbers, but KLAS cameramen, like television cameramen everywhere, are roughly the size of midget Bigfoots and have calves as big as turkey breasts. They're tough to stop once they get momentum.

Instead of fighting, though, the sides took turns quoting lines from "Anchorman." 

"No commercials - no mercy!" got a big laugh, and they decided to skip to the part of the movie where everyone has a Miller High Life. Also, no one had a trident.

Both groups decamped to Larry's Villa, where they drank cheap beer but did not eat the food, because that place is kinda nasty.