Saturday, June 20, 2015

NRA unveils 'Pack a Piece for Jesus' initiative



FAIRFAX, Va. – In the aftermath of a shooting that left nine dead at a Charleston, S.C., church, the National Rifle Association announced a “Pack a Piece For Jesus” campaign that the gun rights organization said would “ensure religious liberty is protected the only way that liberty can be protected – with high-caliber ammunition.”

“(Preferably hollow point),” the NRA statement added.

All churchgoers should bring loaded firearms to services this weekend, according to the NRA’s call to arms. 

“Any assault in a church is an assault on Jesus, and since Jesus founded America, we must answer force with force and firearms with firearms,” said NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre at a press conference. 

“Pistol-packing parishioners would do well to buy bullets in bulk while brushing up on the Bible.”

The attack on the historic Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church shocked the nation, as a white man with apparently racist views allegedly gunned down people engaged in Bible study.

LaPierre also turned to the Bible in advocating for the NRA’s Jesus-needs-your-guns position.

“I know the Bible says, ‘He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone,’ ” he said. “But that was then. What good is ‘throwing a stone’? That’s just bringing a slingshot to a gunfight!”

Aides to the NRA president acknowledged that the program would be controversial, and a wide spectrum of church leaders immediately condemned it, saying that Christianity preaches forgiveness, understanding and community building, not retribution. 

The NRA, however, stood unbowed.

“Listen,” said LaPierre, “it’s just a fact: If Jesus packed heat, he woulda kicked a lot of Roman ass.”

(Want to see Jesus kick some ass? Yes, you do. Click here.)

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